Have you ever heard the adage that a couple’s counselor doesn’t take sides? Do you think that’s true? Well, if it’s true, then what should a therapist do when a wife expresses that her husband’s drinking has led to abuse? Should the therapist side with the wife or the husband? The truth is a counselor has to take sides and acknowledge wrong in certain situations, but the trick is understanding when accepting a biased assessment is healthy instead of harmful.
Knowledge Sprouts Bias
Therapists do not just happen upon their profession. Couples counselors spend years studying the dynamics of healthy relationships and families and learning about the effects of abuse and drug use. Therefore, while their education inevitably creates bias, it is through informed exposure to healthy and unhealthy relationship models.
Bias Breeds Accountability
As a relationship expert, a therapist can use their bias and understanding to help breed accountability in your relationship. They can use their experience and knowledge to shed light on the problems affecting your connection with your spouse, whether that’s poor communication or other issues. Having a voice of authority dissect the underlying causes of your relationship failures will help you reflect on any truth that comes to light.
Right and Wrong Do Exists
How often have you heard that no one is at fault for a relationship’s failures, that it was outside of your control? While some relationships will fail because of an inevitable incompatibility, most fail because of an imbalance of choices and consequences. The decisions people make have weight on the scale of right and wrong, and it is necessary to take ownership and responsibility for choices, which is where a therapist can also help.
Bias Doesn’t Equal Blame
While there is no denying that therapists do have an educated bias, that does not mean that they are there to blame. A counselor wants to help you and your significant other come to an understanding and have a healthier relationship built on trust and open communication.
Counseling is Communication and Understanding
Therefore, while a counselor may take sides, they are not doing so to attack or make people feel uncomfortable. They only take sides when there is apparent wrongdoing, like abuse or drug use. However, it should be understood that therapy is about communication and understanding; it is not visceral and antagonistic. The purpose of counseling, like couples counseling in Palatine, IL from Lotus Wellness Center, is to come to a greater understanding of each other and possibly yourself.
How long have you been in a relationship that is struggling? Do you and your spouse or loved one have an open dialogue? If you want help speaking to your significant other, then contact a counselor, and understand that they are there to help speak to the truth.
